No, I didn't win the lottery.
But I had a full weekend, ministry-wise. Finally, I am in my bed, in my PJs, with my BFF Ms. Laptop. When I close my eyes, a mad swirl of images blows through. Some I want to hang on to; others trouble and distress me:
I see the smile on a Bride's face as she recites her vow and a tear runs down her groom's face. I feel the soft skin of a three week old baby, his tiny heft cradled in my arms. I see the bright colors of a dressing gown worn by a member who has been diagnosed with and is bravely fighting pancreatic cancer. I haven't seen her, and she's lost fifty pounds. A beautiful, stylish woman, she is shrunken into the African print gown. I hear the jumble of childish voices as a big group of toddlers gather for cake at our new emerging congregation. I see smiles. I feel hugs and handshakes. I wipe away the tear of a woman far from her homeland.
I feel so inadequate. Who am I that people turn to me with these rare and precious moments? How did I deserve the smiles, the hugs, the words of encouragement and hope?
I will never know, but I do know I am blessed! Good Night! Sleep Well.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
EXCUSE ME... but has anyone mentioned BREASTFEEDING?
Friends, in matters of religion, and most matters of politics, I am as liberal as they come! I have sometimes described myself as a socialist, and have even considered anarchy (of sorts) a viable philosophy.
But when it comes to ethics, there are some areas where I am plain old-fashioned. Call me a conservative. I don't find that word, in its pure form, as offensive as the "right" seems to find the word liberal. I taught history. I love old things. I admire old people. I think the past has much to teach us. I think my Kentucky neighbor and acquaintance Wendell Berry is a prophet.
And, I can NOT understand how the mother of a FOUR month-old could run for Vice President and care for her infant. Forget about the pregnant daughter! ...that could happen to any parent. Was the woman supposed to follow her daughter around every minute, or install a chastity belt? The fact that her daughter is pregnant does not cause me to question her parenting. But her failure to breastfeed her child(ren) does!
I guess this is where I part company with feminism, as it has come to be understood. I really believe that babies need mothers. That's because only mothers can breastfeed, and for me, there is almost no excuse for not breastfeeding. I realize that this is a very conservative position. I hear the indignation when people ask why is it OK for Obama to run when he has 2 young daughters, and yet questionable for Palin. But, to me, feminism is about claiming, owning and celebrating all aspects of womanhood. I don't understand how it came to be defined as the mandate for women for to be successful and powerful in the traditional ways men have been.
Maybe it would be an ideal world if women could work and breastfeed, but you would have to prove that to me. I think women, because they produce breastmilk, and because it is far and away the optimal nutritional and emotional and developmental substance for all infants (in fact, special needs children like those with Down's need breastfeeding as much or more than healthy children) should be given the space and time to care for their infants. Yes, it's true: for some women, especially in today's economy, it seems virtually impossible to stay home and to stay afloat. In that case, the best situation for infants is to have one primary caregiver who is always available to that child. Anything less will be detrimental to children.
Now, all of that said, one can breastfeed, stay home, be perfectly loving and nurturing, and still have their children face problems.. addictions, mental illness, and yes, unplanned pregnancy. I am the first to attest to that! But what I will never have to do is wonder whether, had I stayed home, or had I breastfed, or had my children had consistent nurturing, things would be different. And, even through my own kids' challenges, I see the core of self and of humanity that I believe their early years instilled.
So... there you have it! I am conservative. I think some women who believe, as I do, in unrestricted breastfeeding, co-sleeping, responsive mothering, and child-led weaning, are seen as liberal, even radical kooks. But, in truth, that is the most ancient way, the one that brought all of human evolution to this point. Extended, exclusive breastfeeding is not unnatural, it is un-culutural.
A few minutes ago, my son asked me: so what do you think about Palin... to which I answered (because I am writing this) "I think she should be breastfeeding her infant." He replied, "OK, but what about how she would govern the country?" .... to which I replied, She scares me!
The same son who asked me that question was my infant 26 years ago. It was then I realized how incredibly important, almost more important than anything humans can do for future generations, breastfeeding and natural parenting is.
I have never changed my mind... not for a second. Am I the only one who has THAT reaction to Sarah Palin?
But when it comes to ethics, there are some areas where I am plain old-fashioned. Call me a conservative. I don't find that word, in its pure form, as offensive as the "right" seems to find the word liberal. I taught history. I love old things. I admire old people. I think the past has much to teach us. I think my Kentucky neighbor and acquaintance Wendell Berry is a prophet.
And, I can NOT understand how the mother of a FOUR month-old could run for Vice President and care for her infant. Forget about the pregnant daughter! ...that could happen to any parent. Was the woman supposed to follow her daughter around every minute, or install a chastity belt? The fact that her daughter is pregnant does not cause me to question her parenting. But her failure to breastfeed her child(ren) does!
I guess this is where I part company with feminism, as it has come to be understood. I really believe that babies need mothers. That's because only mothers can breastfeed, and for me, there is almost no excuse for not breastfeeding. I realize that this is a very conservative position. I hear the indignation when people ask why is it OK for Obama to run when he has 2 young daughters, and yet questionable for Palin. But, to me, feminism is about claiming, owning and celebrating all aspects of womanhood. I don't understand how it came to be defined as the mandate for women for to be successful and powerful in the traditional ways men have been.
Maybe it would be an ideal world if women could work and breastfeed, but you would have to prove that to me. I think women, because they produce breastmilk, and because it is far and away the optimal nutritional and emotional and developmental substance for all infants (in fact, special needs children like those with Down's need breastfeeding as much or more than healthy children) should be given the space and time to care for their infants. Yes, it's true: for some women, especially in today's economy, it seems virtually impossible to stay home and to stay afloat. In that case, the best situation for infants is to have one primary caregiver who is always available to that child. Anything less will be detrimental to children.
Now, all of that said, one can breastfeed, stay home, be perfectly loving and nurturing, and still have their children face problems.. addictions, mental illness, and yes, unplanned pregnancy. I am the first to attest to that! But what I will never have to do is wonder whether, had I stayed home, or had I breastfed, or had my children had consistent nurturing, things would be different. And, even through my own kids' challenges, I see the core of self and of humanity that I believe their early years instilled.
So... there you have it! I am conservative. I think some women who believe, as I do, in unrestricted breastfeeding, co-sleeping, responsive mothering, and child-led weaning, are seen as liberal, even radical kooks. But, in truth, that is the most ancient way, the one that brought all of human evolution to this point. Extended, exclusive breastfeeding is not unnatural, it is un-culutural.
A few minutes ago, my son asked me: so what do you think about Palin... to which I answered (because I am writing this) "I think she should be breastfeeding her infant." He replied, "OK, but what about how she would govern the country?" .... to which I replied, She scares me!
The same son who asked me that question was my infant 26 years ago. It was then I realized how incredibly important, almost more important than anything humans can do for future generations, breastfeeding and natural parenting is.
I have never changed my mind... not for a second. Am I the only one who has THAT reaction to Sarah Palin?
Sunday, August 24, 2008
First Lesson in Disaster Preparedness
First Lesson
by Philip Booth
Lie back daughter, let your head
be tipped back in the cup of my hand.
Gently, and I will hold you.
Spreadyour arms wide, lie out on the stream
and look high at the gulls.
A dead-man's float is face down.
You will dive
and swim soon enough where this tidewater
ebbs to the sea….
My first swimming lesson was at Girl Scout Camp, Camp Kettle Run, deep in NJ’s Pine Barrens, a sandy, desolate region of fragrant scrubby pines, wild blueberries, and rare orchids. The water, tinted brown from bog iron, was commonly called “cedar water.” The “barrens” are not barren, either… they overlay one of the biggest and purest aquifers anywhere on the East Coast, and they are evidence of continental shifts millions of years ago, a completely unique and precious eco-system. Thank the goddess, they have been preserved.
At camp, the F shaped swimming pier extended from a small island. I remember it vividly. One night each summer, we’d sleep on the island, and one year Connie Blue sleep-walked right into the water and ate seaweed. (Lake-weed?) After swimming, the camp nurse squirted vinegar in our ears to kill the organisms that caused ear infections.
My first swimming lesson was at Girl Scout Camp, Camp Kettle Run, deep in NJ’s Pine Barrens, a sandy, desolate region of fragrant scrubby pines, wild blueberries, and rare orchids. The water, tinted brown from bog iron, was commonly called “cedar water.” The “barrens” are not barren, either… they overlay one of the biggest and purest aquifers anywhere on the East Coast, and they are evidence of continental shifts millions of years ago, a completely unique and precious eco-system. Thank the goddess, they have been preserved.
At camp, the F shaped swimming pier extended from a small island. I remember it vividly. One night each summer, we’d sleep on the island, and one year Connie Blue sleep-walked right into the water and ate seaweed. (Lake-weed?) After swimming, the camp nurse squirted vinegar in our ears to kill the organisms that caused ear infections.
I did love camp, but I hated swimming lessons! The F of the dock was divided into three sections: the shallowest for non-swimmers (pink caps), the upper part of the F for blue caps – Intermediates – and the coveted deep area beyond the far dock was reserved for advanced swimmers, the White Caps! At a ceremony on the last day of camp, You’d get a certificate, and the following year could claim your new cap, following a little test. It took me 3 or 4 years to get out of the shallow part! And, another thing.. swimming lessons were before breakfast, around 6 AM. The water was cold!
To this day, I don’t like swimming. My sons and daughter have been subjected to the same lack of aqua-skills… the direct result of spending most summers at the New Jersey shore and never in swimming pools or lakes! You do NOT learn to swim at the shore. You learn first to run away from waves, later to jump them with some adult holding your hands, and ultimately, to surf them in to shore, usually landing in a rumpled, undignified heap on the beach, your suit full of sand and your belly full of sea water. One thing learned early is this: at all times, the ocean is in control. Not you.
The poem “First Lesson” is about learning to trust. It contains a fundamental truth: Fear is our greatest enemy. As a young student wrote about this poem:
In water, the only people that drown are the people that are frightened and distressed, same with life. If you close your heart because you are afraid that your trust would be betrayed, you are closing the door on life. Don't be afraid, use that trust you learned long ago, look around, and just lie back, gently, onto the sea of life, you will float, and you will get to your destiny.
Water is the matrix and the sustainer of our existence. We can not avoid it any more than we can avoid life itself. Or death. Some of us are the “pink caps” in the great seas of life’s trials and tribulations. We didn’t learn adequate coping skills, and we avoided the lessons that would provide them. We let fear cramp our hearts and stayed victims. Some of us even learn to enjoy the waves that knock us down and keep us from going forward. But just beyond those waves, the sea is calm, and the sea will hold us if we learn to trust. I am reminded of Emerson, whose stern father tried to teach him to swim by forcing him into the water off some wharf: The mortal terror was so strong after forty years Emerson could still recall the fright with which I heard his voice (as Adam that of Lord God in the Garden) summoning us to a new bath and I vainly endeavoring to hide myself.” There are pink caps hiding everywhere.
How do we learn to trust when fear cramps our heart? I think many of us were touched and inspired by Michael Phelps as much for his story as for his achievement: he overcame merciless taunting, teasing, and rejection time after time. Maybe his mother, or other adults, gave him that first lesson. Whatever it was, he did not succumb to fear.
Our reaction to a tragedy like Knoxville is to talk about security. But, there really is no security that can prevent every random tragedy. We might instead talk about a different kind of disaster preparedness, the kind that empowered those brave souls and that can empower any one of us as we face the myriad tsunamis that life will aim at us: trust.
How can we learn to trust?
· Practice breathing
· Find a teacher
· Practice in the shallow end (small challenges)
· Relax, let go (yoga, laughter)
· Be in community
· Use reason and intellect
Daughter, believe
me, when you tire on the long thrash
to your island, lie up, and survive.
As you float now, where I held you
and let go, remember when fear
cramps your heart what I told you:
lie gently and wide to the light-year
stars, lie back, and the sea will hold you.
Philip Booth
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